There is a famous verse in the Bible that we often struggle to live out in reality...I mean, there are probably many verses in the Bible like that (ehm, almost all of them), but I'm talking about the particular one that tells us to "Be angry and don't sin." For some reason, we tend to read this verse "Don't be angry. It's a sin." But anger isn't a sin. It's an emotion. An emotion that most of us are entirely uncomfortable with.
And because we are so uncomfortable with anger, we have shamed it out of our society. If someone even looks angry, we don't have to know what they are angry about to believe they are probably a "bad" person. There is this false subconscious societal belief that "good" people never get angry.
Truly, it's only unhealthy people who never get or show anger. We live in a broken world where anger is a necessary emotion. It makes us aware of injustice and abuse. It helps us process through grief. It opens our eyes to what matters the most to us. If we aren't experiencing anger, we are blind, naive, or in denial.
Anger, however, can lead us down a quickly destructive path. The Bible tells us to get rid of it quickly before it can lead us to abuse or even murder of another person created in God's image, either in our hearts or with our hands. We need to be in control of our anger so that it doesn't control us.
In order to get control of our anger, we need to allow ourselves to feel it. Instead of immediately shaming ourselves and denying our anger the right to exist, we have to admit that anger is present. It's only when we are confident that what we are feeling is anger that we can explore where it is coming from and decide what to do with it. "I'm fine" has to be exchanged for "I'm angry" or "I'm frustrated" or "I'm irritated". While it may seem like great control when a person says they are fine when they are really angry, it's a red flag. That anger will eventually find its way out of the body whether that is through an explosive bout of temper, a chronic illness, or actions that are inconsistent with stated values.
There's a sort of formula for healthy processing that works with any strong emotion that you are experiencing, but particularly anger:
Notice what you are feeling and where you are feeling it in your body (with practice, this helps you recognize the emotion more easily and process it quicker)
Name the emotion as specifically as possible. If you are angry, are you livid, irritated, ticked? If you are afraid, are you worried, terrified, concerned? If you are sad, are you heartbroken, disappointed, hopeless?
Make some space (time and attention; allow it to be there) for that emotion. Sit with it. This simply means reminding yourself that it is healthy to "feel" and that feelings are messengers. It's important to take time to understand the message they are trying to deliver. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you determine where the emotion is coming from and what it is trying to tell you. Pinpoint the reason the feeling has appeared. Journaling is a great way to do this because you will eventually notice patterns. If you don't have time to do this at the exact moment the emotion hits, do it as soon as you get the time.
Take action on behalf of the emotion. Sometimes this action will be to release the emotion through a good workout or yelling into a pillow or a somatic practice. Sometimes this action will be to have compassion for yourself and do something to take care of your body. Sometimes this action will be to address a problem or make a change. But processing strong emotions healthily takes intentional attention and action.
I know this probably seems like too much to tackle with the loads of emotions that we deal with in the course of our week, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. And this is the kind of work that will change your whole life.
Anger doesn't have to drag you into its mess. You can turn the tables and instead utilize anger as the emotional resource that it was created to be to change your world for the better. Emotional intelligence in general will help you to surrender yourself more fully to God's plan and work with Him in the areas that He is trying to signal need work.
I would love to walk alongside you in some of this work. My life has been truly changed by the power of God-given resources, and I believe fully that they can change you too. If you are tired of living the same life year after year, waiting and even searching for a change that you just can't seem to make, I can help. My coaching services combine Biblical truth, neuroscience, and resourcing into a brand new perspective that might just change your life.
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