Living Free from Shame

The knowledge of good and evil is a heavy weight to bear. It’s a responsibility that God was willing to shoulder for us from the beginning. He, like the loving parent that He is, wanted us to live in delightful bliss, trusting Him to determine what was best for our lives.

Adam and Eve got a small taste of that life. They lived in a perfect world with complete provisions. They had connection to and open communication with God and each other. They were fully vulnerable and naked, yet fully safe and free. They trusted that God had their best interests at heart. Until they didn’t.

Suddenly, Adam and Eve had a smart phone. A world of knowledge and understanding opened up to them that they hadn’t even needed to care existed before. Suddenly, they would have to work for their provision and worry about where their next meal would come from. Suddenly, there was a need to protect themselves from the evil that had previously been outside of their awareness. They’d doubted that God had their best interests at heart, so now they’d have to live in a world outside of His protection of those best interests.

With their eyes opened to the knowledge of good and evil, Adam and Eve instantly felt the shame of their choice to sin. They looked down and realized that they were naked, fully vulnerable and now with an automatic need to protect their safety and dignity. God had already warned them that if they ate from the tree, they would die, so now they even felt the need to protect themselves from God. How could they admit their sin to Him when He’d already made the consequences of it clear? They didn’t want to die…so they hid.

Our bodies still respond to our own sin, perceived failings, and shortcomings like this. Our instinct is to hide it. Because any other action might result in rejection, and rejection can feel worse than death. We build high walls around our shame to protect ourselves from what might happen if we reveal it. What we don’t realize is that those walls actually become our prison. Shame is the very thing that keeps us from healing.

God designed us with need to release our shame. We weren’t made to carry it. It’s why He called to Adam, “Where are you?”, when He knew exactly where Adam was. It’s why He made Adam and Eve clothes when their nakedness wasn’t shameful (Shame doesn’t have to be valid for it to significantly alter what we believe and how we live.). It’s why He instituted the sacrifices with the children of Israel and the yearly scapegoat that symbolically bore the sins and perceived sins of the nation. It’s why He ultimately sent Jesus as the once and for all sacrifice for our shame. It’s why He encourages so often to bring Him our concerns in prayer.

“I don’t really wrestle with shame,” you might say. Great! Then you won’t have any trouble answering all these questions with a resounding “no.” Do you feel bad when you have to ask for help? Do you feel inadequate or ill-equipped around people who are using their gifts? Do you fail to speak up when you have something important to say (if you don’t consider anything you have to say important, double the “yes” to this question)? Do you beat yourself up when you forget things or make mistakes? Do you dwell on old sins that you’ve committed? Do you intentionally rest and recover on a regular basis? Do you feel guilty when you aren’t busy? Do you hide your sins, mistakes, and failures from yourself, God, and others?

Shame keeps us from healing because it keeps us hiding from the vulnerability that would change everything for us. Asking for help connects us to others in relationship. Celebrating the gifts in others helps us to discover our own and share them. Speaking up adds to the conversation and changes the dynamic. Treating ourselves with compassion calms our internal systems and gives us more confidence. Forgiving ourselves aligns us with what Jesus has already done for us. Prioritizing rest makes us more energetic and effective. Escaping busyness on a regular basis helps us to examine the motives and purpose of our work. Admitting that we aren’t perfect reminds us that we are in the same boat as every other human being on this planet.

Shame runs deep in us. We can spot it when we become uncomfortable in relationships, when we get offended, when we avoid, when we go along. Sometimes we are frustrated or hurt or angered or disturbed by something that seems small but is attached to a much deeper root of shame. We need to dig deep under our need for attention and approval, anxious, angry, or avoidant behaviors, and refusal to set boundaries or allow ourselves rest to uproot the shame supporting these things.

Once we find a root of shame, we can care for it with the truth. We are fully accepted and fully loved because of Jesus. We can receive forgiveness for anything and everything. We are valuable and worthy because we carry God’s image and belong to Him as His child. Healing means returning to the kind of childlike trust of God in the Garden that hands the responsibility of the knowledge of good and evil back to Him. We don’t have to figure it all out. We can rest securely in His love for us, and find ourselves living free from shame.

If you are dealing with a root of shame, I would love to help. Part of what I offer in my coaching sessions, in addition to teaching you how to best implement your God-given resources into your unique lifestyle, is a place to safely wrestle with and process burdens you have been carrying. I’d love to sit with you, pray for you, and be a light in your journey to freedom.